So... Our youngest son turned 13 on the 15th... That's 3 days ago! However, he still hasn't received so much as a card from his mother! I know, I should no longer be surprised by the things she does- or more appropriately fails to do- yet, I still am. All of his grandparents, even my mother, either sent a card or called and wished him a happy birthday! Ok, don't get me wrong, his mother did call him and wish him happy birthday. But for a 13 year old boy in this day and age, that doesn't mean much. While I don't condone the fact that he is incredibly materialistic, I do acknowledge that's how it is. While I think this is unfortunate, it is also primarily a result of the fact that his mother had a tendency to give him things, rather than do anything meaningful with/for him. While he sometimes seems rather ungrateful for things, I know that even just a card from his mom would have meant something to him. At least he would have known that she was thinking about him. I've probably said this before (and probably will again), but I sometimes wish she would just go completely out of the picture and quit jerking around with his emotions. If she just gave up, I could adopt him... I would adopt them both of course, but the oldest will be 18 in March, and it will be a little late by then.
The other day, she was talking about wanting the boys to go visit her this summer... I think she forgets that the oldest will be 18 then. Not only that, but I don't think he will even be speaking to her, let alone wanting to go visit her. Still, a single round-trip ticket can easily run $500 in the summer months, maybe $250 on the low end. And that's before factoring in that A: the youngest doesn't want to fly, ever; B: he would be flying as an unaccompanied minor, which some airlines charge extra for; C: I'm sure even a train ticket would be a little costly; D: this woman has spent MAYBE $100 on each of the boys in the last year (that's including birthdays, Christmas, clothing... everything)! Do any of you remember the story that the North Koreans were hiding a unicorn in a cave?... It might be more likely for that unicorn to grow wings, fly here, and let our son ride on it to go visit his mother! In the mean time, I will keep trying to not discourage my kiddo while he's still hoping a birthday package will arrive from his mother. Our youngest son turns 13 in a couple of days... and still nothing from his mother. Maybe there's still a chance that something will arrive from her... Their Christmas package didn't arrive until Christmas Eve, so there's still a little bit of hope...
REWIND... Since I had such a lapse in writing, I suppose I failed to mention this: we moved out of state this summer. Their mother willingly let us take the boys with us, in exchange for not having to pay child support (which she only sporadically paid to begin with). She has the right to have visitation over breaks from school, as long as she pays for their round trip tickets, or she comes to the area we now live in. They had over 2 weeks of a break for Christmas... not once did she even mention the possibility of a visitation. The oldest turns 18 in March, and he continues to state that he wants nothing more to do with her. During this big out of state move, she was supposed to take our oldest son's dog on a temporary basis. The night that she was supposed to pick up the dog, as well as have her last visitation with the boys before we left, she said she wouldn't be caring for the dog. She said her father wouldn't let her have the dog... he said that the dog was my husband's problem, and that he should be the one to work it out. No consideration for his grandson, who had the dog for the better part of 10 years. Nor did their mother do anything to sway her father in his reasoning. At the last minute (literally) a friend of my mother-in-law's said he would take the dog. This resulted in us driving 19 hours across the country with 2 trucks packed to the brim, a U-haul trailer, 2 kids, and a dog so that we could meet a stranger under the cover of darkness in rural Tennessee and hope our son would find him to be a suitable new owner for his beloved dog. Fortunately, the stranger turned out to be a very kind older gentleman who's long time 4-legged companion recently died, and he hit it off very well with our son's dog. The next 3 days of driving were quieter without a dog running around the car, but my heart broke for our oldest son. While he didn't say much, it was obvious that he was A: extremely sad at the loss of his dog, and B: beyond angry at his mother for forcing him to give his dog away. I can't believe that a grown woman would allow her father to tell her she can't do something to help her own child! Just another fine example of her stellar parenting, and selfless love for her children. Now, here we are several months later... One son who will begrudgingly speak to his mother for a couple more months until we can no longer make him, and one who is disappointed because she didn't send him an Xbox One for Christmas. Hopefully, he realizes she will not be sending him an Xbox One for his birthday either. I'm just hoping she sends him SOMETHING for his birthday, anything really. While I like that they see me as the "good" mom, the one shows them that I care about them; I HATE to see them get hurt and disappointed by her time & again. I wish that they could have the privilege of 2 loving mothers who would do anything for them, but you know what they say about wishes... While she sits on her behind drinking boxed wine with her "boyfriend" of the week, I will be baking our youngest a birthday cake while my husband helps him figure out where he would like to go for his birthday dinner. Hopefully, he will get to open a gift from her while he's unwrapping all the others. Dear Mother of my Stepsons-
First, I would like to thank you for giving me the most wonderful children in the world. I find it so very sad that you have never taken the time to get to know and appreciate them. You treat the boys as an obligation, or an accessory. I don't believe they were ever anything more to you than a meal ticket and an excuse to not get a job. When Baby #1 was born you said, "I want to stay home with him. When he starts school I will get a job." Roughly 5 years later when he's off to school, you get pregnant again... "I want to stay home with Baby #2 until he goes off to school." Then, once Baby #2 is off to school, you wanted to have another baby! Their father was already working himself nearly to death to take care of a family of 4 with no help! You wouldn't get any kind of job, despite multiple pleas! And despite you staying home with the boys, you really didn't do much to actually take care of them. Hamburger Helper is NOT a food group! Child #1 is an excellent writer, and doesn't wear light colors. Child #2 HATES the color blue, and he's great at math. A 12 year old should not be hearing details about "50 Shades of Gray"! Neither of the children should be seeing naked photos of your "boyfriends"! Bankrupting yourself to buy extravagant gifts for Christmas doesn't make you a better parent, nor does it make up for the years of neglect that you showed the boys. Parenting is hard work, but it's worth it; but you wouldn't know anything about parenting, or hard work. The hardest work you do is lugging your box of wine from the liquor store into the house. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your children- sleeping on the sofa so they can share your futon is not a big one! Be a parent is not meant to be easy- it's challenging, frustrating, and tiring... but it's also the most fulfilling job that God ever created! If done properly, it can also be extremely rewarding! Just know that while you are old and rotting away under the hoard you live in, their father and I will be looking forward to the weekend and holiday visits we will get from the boys, and hopefully grandchildren. Child #1 is almost an adult, and he already wants nothing more to do with you. He's even told you as much, but you don't listen to a single word they say. We force them to answer the phone when you call, and force them to go visit with you. Don't be surprised if they both fall off the radar and change their phone numbers when they turn 18. If you ever pull your head out of your own selfish ass, you may have a chance to salvage some semblance of a relationship with the boys- but no one will be holding their breath. You're really missing out... they are truly special, wonderful young men. I love them as if they were my own, and I'm very grateful to have them in my life. I couldn't have done it without you! -The Not-So-Evil Stepmonster Contrary to popular belief I don't hate my husband's ex-wife because she is his ex... I hate her because she is a terrible mother to my 2 wonderful stepsons! My husband has primary custody of the boys, and she only sees them about 2 days a month. This is not because of her poor parenting ability. She willingly walked away from most of her parental responsibilities during their divorce. My husband waived her paying child support for the first year so that she could get on her feet and make sure that the kids had what they needed when they would have visitation with her. Needless to say she failed to do anything for them. She didn't so much as buy them beds for when they would have overnight visits with her! After much prodding from my husband, she did finally buy each of the boys a few items of clothing at the beginning of the school year.
For his 16th birthday my husband and I had made some plans for our older son's birthday. About a week before his birthday, his mother decided she wanted to take them for the day. That evening, she showed up almost an hour late picking the boys up. Now, this was on a school night and she was picking them up after school got out and had to bring them back the same evening. After picking them up she stopped at Wal-Mart to buy a cheesecake sampler- he doesn't even like cheesecake very much- then took them to her parents' house where they had her parents' leftover pizza for dinner, then gave him $30 for his gift! Who in the heck does that?!? As she and her parents live about 15 miles from the child exchange site, and the boys had to get up to go to school the next day, that was about all the time they had for the birthday festivities... When we picked the kids up, our 16 year old son was devastated! He's at least 6 inches taller than me and outweighs me by at least 40 lbs, but that night I just wanted to pick him up and hold him, to let him know that he's a great kid, and that none of the bad things she has done for/to them are their fault. Now, my husband and I are wanting to go on an extended vacation this summer... And we are about to the point where the boys' mom needs to be informed of this. She has no say about where they live, or any other decision making as far as the kids go. But she does get visitation with them about 2 days a month- when she actually decides to make use of it. In my mind the vacation shouldn't be an issue since after Christmas, she didn't make any attempt to see them for a month. She doesn't even call them everyday, although when she does we usually have to force them to answer. However, she may still try to cause an issue when my husband tells her about our vacation. I'm being discouraged from going to this meeting, for fear that I will tell her what I really think about her. Since I can't tell her how I feel directly, I will just share with the rest of the world! |
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