So... I'm awakened in the wee hours of the morning, by my husband telling me that our son has left home... Words that will at leas momentarily put fear into the heart of any parent, especially at 3 AM! However, our son has recently turned 18... legally an adult... legally...
After I make myself wake up enough to register the words my husband has said to me, and after my husband also says that the front door is unlocked I ask if he checked our yard- maybe he took out the garbage?- or tried calling our son. My husband is in full panic/pissed off mode. I convince my brain to function enough to dress myself in attire that is at least decent enough for leaving the confines of my own home at 3 AM (OK, so I just put a t-shirt on over my pajamas and a pair of flip flops on my feet). I go outside to the car where my husband is waiting, he took my advice and called our son. Fortunately he was less than a block down the street, and my husband told him in his calmest, kindest (for being royally pissed of, he was pretty calm...) voice to come home right away. A few seconds later our shoe-less son comes strolling back into our yard...
As my husband is aware of the fact he is prone to yelling, we take this fine party into the house. Now I hope you will note here reader, that my husband and I have different ways of approaching frustration/anger... My husband is very expressive of his emotions- will yell when pissed off, but then becoming eerily quiet once he reaches the point of becoming totally enraged. I, on the other hand, come across as very stern and quiet in the early stages of anger, and it takes quite a lot to make me start yelling.
That being said, we get into the house and my husband starts yelling at our son asking him what he was doing out of the house at 3 AM. He tells me to go back to bed- I'm not sure if this was because I have to work in the morning, or if he felt this needed to be one of those "father & son" kind of moments. After several reassurance from my husband, I go back and lay down in bed, and listen to my husband passionately express to our son the reasons that he was upset about him leaving the house in the middle of the night. Then it got quiet... very quiet... I couldn't hear a peep. I tiptoe across the bedroom and listen near the door... nothing. I open the door... still nothing. I walk out to the living room and find both son and husband in our son's room... my husband speaking in a very tense, very quiet voice. All I can think is, "Oh crap, war is about to break loose!"
After a couple minutes my husband comes out and tells me he and our son are going for a drive. At roughly 3 AM. I don't know about other parents out there, but ,y your spouse & child are mad at each other and then decide to leave the house without me in the middle of the night, I worry. In the way that totally prevents me from going back to sleep, despite my husband insisting I should because I have to work in the morning.
During this time I try to think about things from both of their points of view, while also wondering if my standing back and looking at things from this perspective makes me a bad parent. Should I have been panicking more, or been more angry? It's not that I don't care or worry about our son, I just also try to remember that he's 18; and despite his naivety he thinks he can do what he wants in some ways.
After I make myself wake up enough to register the words my husband has said to me, and after my husband also says that the front door is unlocked I ask if he checked our yard- maybe he took out the garbage?- or tried calling our son. My husband is in full panic/pissed off mode. I convince my brain to function enough to dress myself in attire that is at least decent enough for leaving the confines of my own home at 3 AM (OK, so I just put a t-shirt on over my pajamas and a pair of flip flops on my feet). I go outside to the car where my husband is waiting, he took my advice and called our son. Fortunately he was less than a block down the street, and my husband told him in his calmest, kindest (for being royally pissed of, he was pretty calm...) voice to come home right away. A few seconds later our shoe-less son comes strolling back into our yard...
As my husband is aware of the fact he is prone to yelling, we take this fine party into the house. Now I hope you will note here reader, that my husband and I have different ways of approaching frustration/anger... My husband is very expressive of his emotions- will yell when pissed off, but then becoming eerily quiet once he reaches the point of becoming totally enraged. I, on the other hand, come across as very stern and quiet in the early stages of anger, and it takes quite a lot to make me start yelling.
That being said, we get into the house and my husband starts yelling at our son asking him what he was doing out of the house at 3 AM. He tells me to go back to bed- I'm not sure if this was because I have to work in the morning, or if he felt this needed to be one of those "father & son" kind of moments. After several reassurance from my husband, I go back and lay down in bed, and listen to my husband passionately express to our son the reasons that he was upset about him leaving the house in the middle of the night. Then it got quiet... very quiet... I couldn't hear a peep. I tiptoe across the bedroom and listen near the door... nothing. I open the door... still nothing. I walk out to the living room and find both son and husband in our son's room... my husband speaking in a very tense, very quiet voice. All I can think is, "Oh crap, war is about to break loose!"
After a couple minutes my husband comes out and tells me he and our son are going for a drive. At roughly 3 AM. I don't know about other parents out there, but ,y your spouse & child are mad at each other and then decide to leave the house without me in the middle of the night, I worry. In the way that totally prevents me from going back to sleep, despite my husband insisting I should because I have to work in the morning.
During this time I try to think about things from both of their points of view, while also wondering if my standing back and looking at things from this perspective makes me a bad parent. Should I have been panicking more, or been more angry? It's not that I don't care or worry about our son, I just also try to remember that he's 18; and despite his naivety he thinks he can do what he wants in some ways.